


a part of me will always be with you

by slytherbyun



Series: letters to my dearest [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Epistolary, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Major Illness, Mentions of Cancer, Moving On, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26375608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbyun/pseuds/slytherbyun
Summary: after five years, Junhui's letter finally reaches the receiver.
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: letters to my dearest [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916791
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	a part of me will always be with you

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of death, cancer, hints at depression and bereavement. Please read at your own discretion.
> 
> For everyone who wanted a part two.

“Hao.”

Minghao turned around to see Joshua standing by the doorframe. They had just come back to Korea from Shenzhen for Junhui’s fifth death anniversary. Minghao automatically headed for _his_ room, sat on his bed, and just stayed there.

“Hmm? What’s up?” Minghao asked Joshua.

Joshua fished something out of his pocket, and gave it to Minghao. It was a sealed envelope that had the words “My Minghao” written on it.

“No.”

“He gave this to me a week before he died,” Joshua told him. “Open it.”

Minghao, with shaking hands, opened the sealed envelope, and unfolded the pages with the familiar writing, that surprisingly, isn’t Jun’s.

  
  
  
  


_My dearest Hao,_

_It's been 5 years, probably. Well, it should have been, since I asked Joshua to give this to you 5 years after I leave._

_How are you, my love?_

_I do hope you're faring better. I know your stubborn ass will remain down in the dumps for quite some time. You should smile more now._

_Please know that I asked Wonwoo to write this because I feel so weak that I can’t write long letters, so he's the only one who knows the content. Joshua doesn’t. Don't worry, I made Won swear not to tell you. If ever he did, you have my permission to kick his butt so hard._

_(I promise, I won't say a word. Hi Hao. - Wonwoo)_

_I'm going to start this off by saying, yes. Yes, My Minghao--life isn't fair._

_I know that has probably crossed your mind more times than I can count. From finding out about my diagnosis up to this point, I think the phrase could be your most used. But Hao, that's the thing; life isn't fair. If it was, we'd have no opportunities to grow and be better people. We’d have no obstacles to learn from. We’d have nothing to serve as motivation to go on with our lives. So yes, Hao; life isn’t fair, and it never will be._

_You're probably yelling at me right now for lecturing you about the fairness of life. I know you too well. But bear with me, okay? I have a few more lectures left in me before this stupid cancer takes over. Let me get them out, okay?_

_My Minghao, don't grieve too long._

_You'll miss out on a lot of things if you get stuck in the grief. I want you to be able to move on with your life, and continue doing what you've always wanted to do. Me not being physically beside you shouldn't change that. I know you’re probably going to get into a bad slump, but you’re the best at what you do. Don’t let me, or anyone else, stop you from being the star you were born to be. The stage deserves to have you on it. There’s nowhere else you should be._

_Whenever you get discouraged, just picture me watching you and cheering you on. I’ll be at every performance you and the members put on. Even if you can’t see me, I will always be on stage with you, holding your hands as you take that final bow at the end of each concert._

_If I didn’t know you any better, you’re crying right now, getting mad at me for lecturing you on grieving._

_And then you’d laugh and tell Joshua that I was right._

_See?_

_Okay, now that you’re smiling, I still have some things to say. Wonwoo’s already looking at me like I’ve gone crazy, so I’ll try to make this short._

_My Minghao, you have to let the pain go._

_You probably still haven’t because knowing you (again), you’d deny this. You’d say you’re fine and that you’re coping, but you’re not. You’ve probably dealt with this alone, not reaching out to all of our friends who want to be there for you. Let them in, Hao. You can’t do this alone. Allow them to help you. Let them in so that you can let the pain go. It’s not okay to hold it in, Hao. Alright?_

_(I asked permission from Jun to write this: when the time comes, we’re all here for you. - Wonwoo)_

_Okay, we have three more things and then I’m done. Wonwoo’s laughing at me right now, saying I’m dumping too much on you. Please punch him on the shoulder for me._

_My Minghao, please forgive me._

_Please forgive me for leaving too soon. I never wanted to leave, and I hope you know that. If I could bargain with the higher beings to make me stay for as long as I can, I would have done so. Unfortunately, my borrowed time is up. I know you’ll be mad and you’ll suffer in silence, but I’m begging you’ll forgive me for leaving. I’m sorry, Hao._

_Please forgive me for not keeping my promise of a future together. I know we imagined retiring together in the dorm because Mingyu will buy the building. I know we planned on getting dogs and cats and filling the dorm with our wonderful fur buddies. I know we were dead set on buying a house in Shenzhen that we can stay in when we want a taste of China. Hao, I’m sorry. I truly am. Know that this is the only future I wanted--and that I wanted this with you._

_Most of all, please forgive me for putting you through the most difficult time. I never wanted all the members to suffer because of my condition--you, most especially. I never wanted to be a nuisance and a burden to all of you. I never wanted to hear you cry every night because of the possibility that I might not make it. I’m sorry for everything, Hao. I never wanted to cause you pain in any way. Know that if I can take all of it away, I would have._

_I still have two more things to tell you before I wrap this up. Please bear with me for a little while longer._

_Smile, okay? You look ugly when you cry._

_Please don’t punch Joshua._

_My Minghao, I am thankful for you._

_Thank you for being my best friend. You were there since the beginning of this journey, and I couldn’t imagine anyone I could be with. When I first met you, there was a tugging feeling deep down in my soul that knew you and I were linked in so many ways. Thank you for opening up to me, and for allowing me to open up to you. You’re an amazing human being, Minghao. Please always remember that._

_Thank you for all that you do for the members. Thank you for taking care of each one in your own, special way. I know that even after I’m gone, you’ll still be taking care of them, and I know that they genuinely appreciate it, and love you more because of it._

_(That’s true, Hao. Thank you. We do love you. - Wonwoo)_

_Above everything else, thank you for loving me. We’re both not perfect, I know that. But thank you for choosing to love me every single day in spite of it. Thank you for allowing me to love you in return. I know the time we had together was not how long we wanted it to be, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am grateful for every single moment we spent together. You are one of the biggest blessings I’ve ever received, and I’m glad I got to be with you for as long as I have._

_Which brings me to my last point._

_My Minghao, it’s okay to let me go._

_It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to start a new chapter in your story. It’s okay to let someone else in, and to let that person stay. I hope in time, when they come, you’ll love them more than you did me. That you’ll make them as happy as you made me--maybe even happier. I hope that they make you just as happy. I hope that they know how much you hate waking up in the morning, or that you hate long lines. I hope they can get to know all the things I love about you, and the things you hate about yourself, and still choose to love you every day._

_Minghao, I promise I’ll be okay. I’ve accepted that this is all the time I have left. Now, all I want to know is that you’ll be alright when I’m gone. That you will open your heart once again. That you will let our friends take care of you when you feel like you’re at your lowest. Please, Hao. Allow yourself to be okay._

_I will always be there, Hao. I will be with you, no matter where life takes you to. I will hold your hand, I will be behind you, I will be in the crowd, watching you perform. A part of me will always be with you._

_Be happy, my Minghao. That’s all I can ask for._

_With all my love,_

_Your Junhui_


End file.
